Archive for the ‘food’ Category

A Fatherly Affair Pt. I

Wednesday, August 8th, 2012

Who would’ve thought! Me, Ricardo Gonzalez, go out and hang with a man that is slightly older than me? When I mean older, I’m talking about him being in his 40’s and me being in my mid 20’s. Thats not too big of a problem right? well, for the most part its not, really… It’s not. I met the guy in Merced last week and I gotta say, I was a little hesitant at first, but I bit the bullet and said, “what the heck Ricardo, why not? It’s not every day you get a day off and a chance to just not be bored out of your mind. You need a good distraction once in a  while”

So I did it.

I met this guy at his house and we actually hit it off pretty good (or at least I thought it was) It could’ve been the cranberry vodka cocktails, but I was feeling quite comfortable there speaking him up and listening to his stories. his dog was awesome. Soon enough, all aspects of my worries just melted away. (This usually doesn’t happen because fucking Ricardo has a habit of getting a little bit tooooooooo long winded in his conversations, but this time, I had met my match in that department and I was alright with it.) he was not bad looking at all so that helped. ( I don”t consider myself to be hot shit but I do have standards, albeit a little more realistic ones that others, but this guy could’ve been the Niles Hallowell Dhar of his time so I am not complaining at all.)  and he lives in a nice neighborhood and has a 20 year old daughter…….

yes, thats right a 20 year old daughter. Basically, shes the same age as my sister………


Still, I was ok with that. I was feeling rather “peculiar for cock” that day but after meeting him I wanted more than that, I actually wanted to know him and to understand his story and the feeling of wanting his bone didn’t even come up at all. I wanted to know what his daughter looked like and I wanted to just basically have a good friendship with him. And for the next 2 hours, we just drank and smoked cigarettes and laughed and talked some more. It was relaxing and I felt like he really was into me, including the fact that I was “ringmaster to a burlesque circus” and I told him exactly what I was and what I did right off the bat and he didn’t seem to mind.

Afterwards, as the sun was setting and the moon was rising, He asked me if I wanted to go out and maybe catch a few drinks at the local watering hole in Merced (which has many actually, but ehh, I’ll keep it short for the technicality of the situation) and we continued to drink the cranberry vodkas and we stopped by to eat a single taco, each of us. I felt at this point like a whore because I usually buy my own things and I have a weird feeling in my stomach when someone buys me… anything. But I was okay with it. He was cute and I liked his conversation. What more could I expect to make my night any better, I was already FAAAAAAAR from bored.

We took a stroll around the block and we talked some more and we returned to the bar and drank some more and even wanted to dance. (Some of my readers and friends will tell you right offf the bat, I hate dancing alone to music I’m not into ,but if you play the right songs, and Im in that mood, contrary to popular belief, I WILL dance, and i WILL dance WELL ( a facet of my personality I like to hide.)

So we drink and with one simple “Hey, Let’s dance?” I was ready to go dance it up. But right as we got ready to dance it was ruined by Gotye. Fuck you Gotye. get off the bloody dance floor You hipster motherfucker! 

So, This is where the night gets interesting. After going outside and taking a breather, we start to flirt a little more and more to the point that I hear him say “your getting naked in my bed.” I was okay with that, I’m actually pretty comfortable in my body so I was like, “ok”. So we then, sober (none of us got top the point of being buzzed so we all knew what we were doing) and he drove me to his place.

This is where the weirdness happens. First of all he tells me his daughter is home and she sleeps next to his room.

ok. I can deal with that.

We go into his room, play music and make out.

ok. I can deal with that.

He gets of top of me and begins grinding me.

Ok. I can deal with that.

He proceeds to take off our clothing and get hot and heavy in his bedroom with the door open.

ok. I can’t deal with that…at all.

my mind is going “oh shit oh shit!!” what if she catches us?!

I end up slipping that phrase out loud and he says.

“She knows you’re here”

oh Christ!

This must be what a parent feels like trying to have sex with a spouse.  really, but this feels so friggin good! Eventually, I made up my mind, if he doesn’t care about getting caught then I won’t either. fuck it!  We fucked.

The next morning I ran into said daughter…………….awkward.


That cooking feeling.

Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

Ever had that moment that in order to keep someone you have to bring out your best Betty Crocker or Martha Stewart to keep a man? These days I’ve been feeling just like that. What I did or what motivated me to cook like a 1950’s woman was brought on by a sheet nostalgia for doing what it is that I did for my guy a few years back. But as I was roasting the made from scratch lasagna I started thinking: Is it possible to become so nostalgic, so desperate, or maybe…just maybe, out of habit cook your partners favorite foods?


I was fucked.

Maybe because it was the fact that I had shamelessly slept with him the night before in his cousins guest house in Fresno? Maybe it was the fact that I had forgotten how good it was being around him so much? Or maybe it was the fucking umm….awesome happy time we spent in those few hours? Either way, I was put in wife mode. And for a while it was worth it. It’s like a high that you get and the cooking is the comedown before you hit bottom again and become sad. But this time I wasn’t sad. It felt like a new start! We actually began talking again like normal people…like a couple again. Sure it was a little awkward at first, but why wouldn’t it be, the guy leaves for months and isn’t heard from again, but every once in a while he’ll pop in to say hello, as a way to say don’t forget me I’m still here, which bothered me. But not so much anymore. It felt like all the Ryan’s, all the Tim’s, all the Chris’s, all the Austin’s… Didn’t matter anymore. It was now just me and HIM.
Like old times.

This can’t be good.