Archive for April, 2012

That cooking feeling.

Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

Ever had that moment that in order to keep someone you have to bring out your best Betty Crocker or Martha Stewart to keep a man? These days I’ve been feeling just like that. What I did or what motivated me to cook like a 1950’s woman was brought on by a sheet nostalgia for doing what it is that I did for my guy a few years back. But as I was roasting the made from scratch lasagna I started thinking: Is it possible to become so nostalgic, so desperate, or maybe…just maybe, out of habit cook your partners favorite foods?

Yes

I was fucked.

Maybe because it was the fact that I had shamelessly slept with him the night before in his cousins guest house in Fresno? Maybe it was the fact that I had forgotten how good it was being around him so much? Or maybe it was the fucking umm….awesome happy time we spent in those few hours? Either way, I was put in wife mode. And for a while it was worth it. It’s like a high that you get and the cooking is the comedown before you hit bottom again and become sad. But this time I wasn’t sad. It felt like a new start! We actually began talking again like normal people…like a couple again. Sure it was a little awkward at first, but why wouldn’t it be, the guy leaves for months and isn’t heard from again, but every once in a while he’ll pop in to say hello, as a way to say don’t forget me I’m still here, which bothered me. But not so much anymore. It felt like all the Ryan’s, all the Tim’s, all the Chris’s, all the Austin’s… Didn’t matter anymore. It was now just me and HIM.
Like old times.

This can’t be good.

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