Archive for December, 2011

A love note to all the Tim’s of the world

Wednesday, December 28th, 2011

I hate you…

Yes I said it. I have managed to find some sort of correlation to the people that wrong me and the name Tim. Tim is my rival for eternity. I don’t know if I have wronged a Tim in a previous life, but for some reason I find myself being screwed over by Tim everywhere. (not all the Tim have done this to me,but a good 90% majority have done so).

Let me explain :

To the fool who used to trash can me and terrorize me in middle school and well into high school by dumping me into the dumpster every week, it was a Tim.

To the idiot who stole my very first boyfriend away after 3 years of dedicated happiness, Tim.

To the jackass dentist that accidentally picked my tongue with his pick and caused me a lot of pain, Dr. Tim.

To the man who’s boyfriend caused him to call me a fat ass gay sad person…Tim.

See why Tims plague me? It’s too uncanny how the people who have managed to get under my skin have all shared that name. Perhaps it’s fate? Devine intervention? Or just coincidence. Either way I think I’m developing a certain type of phobia,

A fucking Timopheliac is what I’m becoming.

It’s rediculous. If I meet a guy with that name, I cringe and await his handshake to crush my perfectly manicured and trimmed hands with some sort of soul sucking power of death. Naturally I have become quite rebellious and hesitant to give any Tim a chance because of this, but I have yet to meet a nice genuine Tim. I hope I do.

On Breaking Up

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

Here is a blog entry I found from another blog as I do believe that it is a valid point and they seem very heartfelt about what they went through. Also, its kind of funny. so read on and let me know in comments.

So. I am single again. I broke up with someone about 2 weeks ago. And I can’t believe that something like this would happen so quickly. And I thought that I was going to be the one that was going to have to call it off.

But this solidly puts it in stone, people are not who they appear to be.

And this is true.

This person I was with was caring and loved me. We did have sex, numerous times and we built a trust and eventually had sex without condoms. Everything was perfect. This person was older, now 33. And was on a cane due to back issues. I overlooked that because I was in love. I would visit often, with gifts. I introduced him to my sister and my good friends.

And this poor sap uses his grandfathers death to break up with me. I didn’t know we where finished at this point, but all communication had stopped for almost a month.
I finally gave him an ultimatum through the phone. And I get a text that says that he found someone else. And I just didn’t fit into his life. He should’ve told me this sooner so I wouldn’t have made a fool of myself. He eventually came to tell me that I bothered him with my visits and that we where never seeing each other.

I moved on. I don’t need someone like that in my life. I’ve got someone else now. Someone who really has an interest in me and someone who wants to spend the time to get to know me for who I am as a person. And is not a wreched tool like he was. I did love him. It hurts, but I’m better off without him.

I never liked your prissy high class musical tastes anyway. Prick. I hope you have time being with your “court” and your faggy ways. I hope that because of your actions your “Gay Duke” status gets taken away. And then your sorry ass gets dumped. Just like you did to me. Karma is a bitch man, and she’s got her eye on you.

Enjoy life fucker.

I’ve got someone else now. Someone who won’t break my heart like you did. And someone who doesn’t think of himself as high class shit. Don’t call me when your life is fucked. Because I don’t talk or waste my time with tools and scum like you. I’m honest. I Wont deal with you.

I had to deal with all of your physical ailements and I don’t know how I was able to handle it like I did, you are hard to take care of. I got in the way of sex and in doing your errands. Trust me, you better deal with that back fast mr. Because if not, I don’t see your poor new boy toy lasting very long. Don’t drop him like dirty clothing like you did to me. Or him to you. Someone like you deserves to be alone. Alone in your pain and misery. I don’t know how I fell in love with you in the first place.

Oh wait! Because I didn’t. I felt sorry for you. But you used me.

And now I’m with someone better. Someone who cares.

NOW I said my peace.

Have a good life fucker.

What I want to do

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

http://yosemiteziptours.com/

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Why is this funny to me!

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

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Attack of the Superficial Gay Guy

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

Christmas day, I was spending it with my dad and my sister and our stepmom. Everything was going great that day, my dad got his cycling bike, his golf kit and I got a lot of home decor stuff and some trinket for my iPad. We had thanksgiving dinner and everything was alright.

It wasn’t until later that night when this story took place:

It was somewhere between talking about the iPhone 4S and watching how the Grinch stole Christmas was when I received that message on Facebook. Do you ever have those moments when you think to yourself how people live in certain parts of the city and how they have their stereotypical “weho” gay guys this is one of them.

West Hollywood is full of the most superficial gay guys you’ll ever come across. They have chiseled perfect bodies.
They have amazing asses.
They have amazing jawbone structures.
They have a 32 pack given it was physically possible for them to have that.

And it breeds the most superficial fags in the entire world. One wrong look their way and you’re guaranteed a gay death in an instant for ever be banishing you from the world of the gays in Hollywood. Now I realize I don’t have that god like body , and I realize that I can enjoy a good hamburger every so often, and I know that I do not weigh 40 pounds, and I know that I don’t have an ass, but still I managed to have dignity. If you’re able to rock these guys worlds by showing 1 inch of breaking the cookie-cutter mold, they go ape sh*t …guaranteed.

I have a really good friend who granted, was supposedly going to date one of my other supposedly good friend (and I don’t know what good friends are in West Hollywood if you’re only met this person once your whole life). And that’s when the story begins.

I was watching that scene in How The Grinch Stole Christmas (where the Grinch is up on the mountain with the sleigh and is getting ready to push it over the mountain when he hears the people in whoville start to sing) when I open a Facebook and I find the strangest message:

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I was shocked! Absolutely shocked at what I had just read. in my mind I must’ve read it five or six times when it finally hit me I am talking to a superficial guy of course. And a vengeful one at that. Hell hath no fury like a fag scorned. And OOHHHH boy this is so true especially when he comments kept coming…

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One thing that a lot of the gays in weho don’t know how to do is fight. And especially, if you’ve been growing up in the woods of some back assed town roping pigs and cows, then you know how to really…really…..REALLY slap a bitch. Unfortunately for me, he was in palm springs at the time. If he had said this to my face, I would’ve lost it and maybe even taken a jab with a few words of honesty about his little pudgy sack of 2 percent body fat he. Was growing under his chin.

INTERESTING FACT:

You can make fun of a guy guys weight, his way of speaking, his queen attitude, and all sorts of definitions for calling him a slut. But you must never, ever insult his double chin. Many honorable and unnamed fag hags have died over this fatal mistake.

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The insults kept coming and I didn’t know how to respond. Well, I actually did hold my ground because I think I’m not terribly bad looking. I have a very positive outlook on life and I actually believe that there is more to life than looks. People spend so much time fixated, not just the gays, but everyone, on looks, on skin. We spend most of the time looking at something that rots in the end. We spend our time looking at something that is constantly changing. The physical always changes, like a fluid, passing through a penis, faster than a bitch can blink.

Sorta.

Anyway, a personality is much more stable and much more consistent than the body, because believe it or not my fellow gays, your partner, over time, won’t care about your looks, what he has to tolerate will be your queen attitude. Your demanding and perfectionist attitude that won’t allow you to eat more than a leaf of lettuce once a week. I myself like a guy that actually enjoys life, and isn’t a slave to his body. I know that there are plenty of attractive people who actually don’t go to the gym 6 days a week, 8 hours a day and eat only lettuce on that 7th day of rest. amen…right?

For example, I like my men to be, let’s not beat around the bush here, but I would for sure hop the bones of a Burberry model any given day, but I’m realistic. I can get a good looking guy for a one night fling, but so can everyone else. I want a stable relationship, and that to me, won’t happen if the personality is that of a cold pile of crap. I want someone that can light up my life like a juju berry (for those of the Zelda persuasion).

I want someone average that can surprise moe daily with kind gestures and feelings. There is no such thing as setting the bar to low in this situation. I’m expecting the least from someone, and allowing them to show me what they got. I’m not judgmental by doing this, I’m not being superficial about this, I’m just letting it happen as it comes. By expecting nothing, I will not be let down.

We can all have otherworldly expectations for the people we meet, and most of the time it’s those expectations, especially in that world of the godly bodied ” we hoes “, is a setup for a huge letdown.

Luckily the guys I’ve met have been attractive, not in the weho type of way either. They all have had personality and I’ve been touched (in more ways than one) by there actions and kindness towards me. I must be doing something right.

I know I don’t have the weho look, I’m far from it. And I’m proud, why?

Because I’m not insecure about my looks.
I’m not competing for attention.
I’m not vain (much)
I’m not heartless.
I don’t play games.

Yeah, I’m not like the weho guys.

Thank god.

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When a cowboy strikes

Tuesday, December 20th, 2011

Thursday 10:35 P.M.
Miners Inn Bar & Lounge

Well, how do I put this? The other night I was just minding my own business as I always do, doing the things I always do, and sitting alone at the bar like I always do. I remember wearing something non flashy or eye catching (usually I do but every so often I like to fly under the radar) when someone I have never seen before approaches me after I had sung my Adele song.

“Can I talk to you in private? I want to ask you something.”

Immediately, I was thinking this adorable cowboy was going to take me outside and do one of 2 things:

1. He was gonna try to beat me up…

    Or

2. He would ask me to try and beat him off.

Given my mood that night and my blatant desires for some action, I was looking forward to the latter so I took him up on his offer and followed him outside.

I’m such a whore

Outside he gave me his card and his number, the guy had just moved from some Midwest part of the states and had settled down to open up a small studio out in Bass Lake. How awesome he got to do that right? He asked me if I would be very interested in recording some music with him (unaware that I have a current contract with a friend) but what they know won’t hurt them, so I took his card and continued to converse. But there was something else…I was feeling something else…but what was it?

That whole night I would watch him sing, and when I got up to sing, he would watch me too. But I was trying to read this cowboy and what his intentions were. He was really cute, and given the chance, I could’ve possibly jumped on his bones, and I was planning on it but I wasn’t sure. Every once in. While we would catch each others eyes and he would flashes mile that would melt my heart and give me an instant hard on. I did nothing needless to say. And I went home around 2 AM and got in my PJ’s.

The next morning I took a good look at his card and took down his name and his number and saved it into my phone. I wanted to contact him again and later that day I did and I got a response. I had offered to invite him over to my place were I was legitimately going to offer him a copy of my music and a good Q&A session.

“so I was thinking about your offer last night. What if I invite yo over to my place and I can give you a copy of my music so you can listen to it and let me know what you think about it.”

Smooth way of disguising your intentions to hookup …errr…have a meeting with this guy. I had to face the facts, first of all he was a cowboy straight as an arrow, and from what I heard, he had a girlfriend who recently broke up with him so I didn’t even have a right to even try to make a move on this guy.

But he was so cute.

And then it hit me……..

I had seen this guy before! I don’t know where, but I was certain I had and I might’ve even chatted him up before, but I had to check once I got home after work. I hopped on my iPad and looked him up.

I googled him…
I Binged him…
I yahooed him…
I facebooked him…
I myspaced him…
I adam4adam’ed him…

NOTHING! Is like this guy didn’t exist at all! So I gave up on that search. if you don’t appear on any of these sites then, as a gay guy, you don’t really exist anyway. How the hell would you hookup?

I continued about my week, not contacting him anymore because I felt foolish in my intentions and lusts. A week went by and was feeling a tad bit horny so I hopped on the good ol Grindr and started chatting up the guys who live, at the closest, 45 miles from me (being on Grindr allows me to fantasize about these guys that live pretty far, sucks not having a Grindr guy in my own town).

I was looking at the cute profile pics of superficial guys when I saw the cowboy hat!

It was him!

I had found him…. Holy shit!

So I sent him the following message

“hey what’s up? Wanna fuck?”

I’m such a whore.

Small Town Icon

Tuesday, December 20th, 2011

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Ever since returning from Los Angeles I have found out that I have become quite the town icon, for many reasons, both good and bad. I have a performance art style that is akin to Lady Gaga, including wearing insane and intricate outfits that never look ridiculous, but rather, astounding. I can hands down impress this community with my looks and my fashion so I eventually became an attraction at the local karaoke bar. Here, I would don these outfits and do all of my songs, and I would get the audience to dance and sing along, I’m one of the only ones who can do that because I demand stage presence and I control my crowds, it’s a talent I’ve been given, and with trial and errors, I’ve been able to perfect it as a tool.

So that’s when I have earned myself a style icon, a gay icon, and an inspirational icon.

Because of my demure and humble persona, I also gather respect from them. This is really cool and I hope to continue to do that for people in this town.

I’m feeling like Edna.

Monday, December 19th, 2011

absolutely fabulous returns

What occurs to you during the holiday season? or Seasons Greetings

Monday, December 19th, 2011

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As I get older I am realizing that the holiday season isn’t really one of holiday cheer, but more as a holiday chore. As a young boy, I used to excitedly await for the grand return of Santa Claus every year to deliver presents under my tree. As I got older and and wiser, Xmas started having a certain depressing quality to it,not for me in general, but I have been starting to see people get depressed more and more this season.

I also realized that’s it has, indeed, started to take over my own spirit. I’m finding yell. Oe depressed, not in that sad I’m gonna kill myself sort of way, but more of a holy crap I don’t have time to buy presents or spend time with some friends way.

I’m that single guy who doesn’t get invited to holiday parties. And that sucks. But why?

I certainly am not Scroogey by all means. I’m actually, quite pleasant actually. Sure, I might be an attention whore at times,but that’s my nature, I like to be wanted because I would likely feel that ore often, apart from family. Then I realized, for the holidays, people get very sexist or selective about their party guests. I fall into the category of

    Don’t invite him…he’s the single guy

      Therefore, I’m a cause, or a portal to people feeling depressed at party even if I’m not the one being depressed, people have some mindset to that being single is a depressing thing.

    I can’t show my face to a holiday Singles Party either. Why? Have you seen the people who go to those parties. They’re people who got setup to be there by friends, or tricked, or there’s those who actually, don’t know why they’re there in the first place. These are the excuses. Nobody ever actually admits they want to be there. These days, it might even be laughable if your friends find out about that, and it might even feel as dumb as or desperate as online dating.

    Dare we even mention worse that Grindr dating? For me, it’s worse… My friends think I’m whorery in general and I would just be looking to sleep and hook up with everyone at the party. Well, maybe…
    But I do have my morals and rules.

    Basically, I don’t see much social action during the holidays that I really crave. I want to interact with people without having to spend my own valuable time planning and throwing my own holiday party though I will admit, and my friends can vouch for me that’s throw some mean parties.

    What I’m trying to say, is this,Santa if your listening to me reading this blog by mistake, then know that I want companionship for the holiday season. Some friend who will want to be there and drink with me and laugh. Because being alone for the holidays is the worst feeling you can have and nobody should ever be alone during this time.

    Here’s a little article I found for those who want to help

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    Dear Christine,
    This year I’m not able to afford to fly back and spend the holidays with my family, so I am facing my first holiday alone. The way I’m dealing with it is that I’m not getting too excited or invested in the holiday season. I just can’t wait for it to be over. I know I’m an adult now, but I just feel like a kid who wants to be home for Christmas. How should I deal with this?
    ~ Holiday Blues, 24, New York

    Dear Holiday Blues,

    Not being with the people you love during the holidays is difficult, and I am sorry you will not be with your family this year. The holidays are about good will and cheer, yet they do bring on a swirl of emotions about the previous year, and being away from family doesn’t help. No matter what age you are, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to bring back the magic of being a kid at Christmas. Being an adult means many things, but it doesn’t mean you have to have a stiff upper-lip when it comes to a holiday away from family. One way to counteract this and rekindle your Christmas spirit is by spending time with those people who are less fortunate.

    There are countless opportunities to volunteer and be with other people on Christmas. Just Google “volunteer on Christmas Day” brings up a variety of ways to be of service. The site VolunteerMatch.org offers opportunities within your zip code. You can also call your local hospital and inquire about ways to spread Holiday cheer to sick children or patients who have to spend the holidays in a hospital bed.

    Giving your time to someone who will really cherish it is the best gift of all. Isn’t that what Christmas is about anyway? And after you spend some time being of service, it will be wonderful to call your family and share with them how you transformed being alone at Christmas to bringing a little Christmas into some needy hearts. Moreover, you will really see that giving is the ultimate form of receiving.

    Also, don’t be bashful about telling your friends you are homesick and not able to be with your family! I can recall a few times I found out a friend was alone for the holidays and my first reaction was always, “Why didn’t you tell me? You could have spent Christmas with my family.” People are usually very open with invitations this time of year. Not only is it in the spirit of Christmas, but most people love the idea of having a friend as a “buffer” at family gatherings!

    It really is easy to start spinning in your mind that you are alone when not in the usual company of family and friends at home for the holidays. It’s important to remember that while you may not physically be there, you are far from being alone. Call your family and friends (maybe they would split investing in an affordable webcams so you can Skype each other), get out to volunteer, and see if there are friends in your city to spend time with. Especially with the economic crunch we are in, you may be surprised by the number of people you know in the same boat.

    Most importantly, don’t let the image of what a holiday “should” be dictate your feelings. This time of year is filled with movies and advertisements that oversell this time of year promote false expectations. Focus on what this season is really about: love and gratitude – not presents and parties. You can still fill yourself with the same feelings of love, friendship, and compassion that are at the core of the holiday season if you just look.

    – Christine

On Disturbing XXXmas Candy

Monday, December 19th, 2011

Yesterday, I came across this strange little Xmas candy keychain. Brings new meaning to the term

“Pushing Your Buttons”

This subliminally haunting little toy was found and purchased at BIGLOTS!. I was able to encounter two variations, the one pictured, Frosty the snowman, and the other was poor old Santa Claus. But this toy packs an even better surprise!

When you push it’s perverted button, the head begins to spin furiously, in the tradition of Linda Blair in her Epic performance for “The Exorcist”. The head stops spinning when you push it’s buttons. One of my friends referred to it as ” bringing new meaning to the Pillsbury Doughboy”. Lol!!!

I love these crazy little Pervy things. And I’m sure it will stimulate many young little boys subliminally this holiday season. Get yours today at your local BIGLOTS! $1.00

Naturally I had to make this into my keychain or rear view mirror ornament.