Didn’t realize had so many blogs!

Thursday, December 17th, 2015

I totally didn’t realize I had all those blogs floating around the internets. Time to compress and tie them together. So much content!


Can one recover from the “just a friend” syndrome?

Monday, December 31st, 2012

Is it possible to have a friend that cares for you, and likes you, and who still needs to sort out his life who decides that the whole “lets just be friends” card is the best, really turn back into a relationship? I know things look grim and I know that it is unspoken. But is it possible to rekindle the flame that’s there? It might be… But the problem is just that, his life isn’t sorted out. I would like to have hope, because I would love to have myself in a relationship and I would like to be. The one that has someone to cuddle with and talk too. I need that in my life. But as long as the ex is in the picture ill be just that… A friend.

They haven’t slept together in almost a year…and they haven’t even lived together in 6 months. To me that sounds like the relationship is done. Beat off the dead horse! But for some reason, that 8 year relationship … Like all those invested in them for that long have a tendency to do. But that’s my question…

As unclear as that is, my quests is this:

Can someone who you find a connection with recover from the “just friends slump”. Is the whole just friends scenario usually one that ruins all chances of intimacy? A relationship? Is the a good side of this assuming that he ends up breaking up with the ex?

In the given scenario above, if someone moves out of a place, they move 3 hours south and shack up with parents, get a new job and new friends, and begins to see other people, and doesn’t like the company of the person he left, and doesn’t even have sex with them…. Does that sound like a breakup??


Monday, December 31st, 2012

Really Bank of America! You approved me for a credit card with a $0.00 credit line!!! Why send me a card of you aren’t going to put a balance on it for me but I have a 5,000.00 credit limit?

But why is it that I have a $0.00 balance on it?? Why send me a card if you aren’t going to fund me credit.


Meeting someone?

Saturday, December 8th, 2012

Where to begin,kinda a lot has happened and also kinda a lot of little! I think I might also be in a large dilemma without question,but allow me to backtrack here.

I met someone.

Or at least, I’d like to think I did? It happened kinda randomly and it happened kinda mysteriously but it’s been a little bit over 2 months since. I met this person and everything has been great. I don’t think we are actually dating at this point, but I see that as of right now there might be some potential to do so! And this opportunity excites me. We met online actually, and it was a pretty good meetup, we hit it off right away and we ended up hanging around all of my friends rather quickly. Needless to say, we really got this ball moving,
Ugh it’s so difficult to explain it! He so ” lets play it by ear” and I’m so”lets stick to the schedule” that it’s not even funny. But I am absolutely diggin this situation.

More at 11.

Missed connections and bad planning

Saturday, December 8th, 2012

So, here’s the thing, what happens when you, a single male in his mid 20’s gets the chance to meet someone that you think is finally, for the first time in a long time, in your league and you get that chance, for the first time in a long time, to actually meet them? You seize the moment right?

I had it all planned out, I was going to go to work instead of my sister at my dads truck. When 9:26 PM rolled along, I was going to stroll up to the bar tending booth, with my hair perfected, my. Loathing immaculate, my cologne enigmatic, and my attitude set to stun. I had it all planned out to a “T”. I knew the exact dialog and words. I had rehearsed it many times before with my good friend (who thought it was a really amazing plan) and I had gone through every scenario that I knew I couldn’t fail in my conquest.

Admittedly, I was feeling like such an 11 year old girl because I never planned a chance encounter before but I ran with the ball anyway. So there I was, Ricardo Gonzalez.

Ricardo Gonzalez: the dapper dresser.
Ricardo Gonzalez: the enigmatic performer.
Ricardo Gonzalez: the local celebrity.
Ricardo Gonzalez: the guy who gets what he wants.

Tonight I was Ricardo Gonzalez: the chance encounter Cinderella.
And I was going to play that fucking Cinderella card to perfection. So I carried on with the plan. After countless times of rehearsing it flawlessly, after going though the motions until it became second nature I fucked it up at step 1.

I never expected the guy to NOT work that day.


So there I was staring at the goddamned bar all day from my dads truck waiting for a chance to see the target 7:00PM rolled around…then 8:00. Nothing. 9:00….9:30….. Still nothing. So I formulated a plan to see what’s up.

“Shea, want a beer?” the perfect cover. I was going to investigate in person why the man of mystery was not present so I did. I took my ass over to the bar and asked the girl about the crush. Then I got my answer…WHO? Ok….

We ♥ Memes: Prince Charles vs Bubbles Girl now with extra Usain Bolt

Monday, August 13th, 2012

Enda Guinan | Social

This made me (and many many others) LOL quite a bit last week.

Prince Charles chases girl with bubbles

It was Photoshopped, but who cares.

Now, it lives on with extra Usain Bolt and Chicken McNugget.

Usain Bolt chases girl with Bubbles

It made me grin.

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Losing my touch

Monday, August 13th, 2012

Well, here I am, sitting down at my dads restaurant and eating a spinach chicken quesadilla and sadly writing and ranting about random things that I only tell my best friends about… And you.

But I feel like I am losing my touch about a lot of things and I’m becoming far more irritable at certain people because of it. Truth is, I don’t even know what’s driving me to the point of acting like this. Could it be that I’ve finally had enough of all the crass and the games in my life? Could it be the fact that I was just used one time to many? Or could I just be going through a spell of meanness and everything should be perfectly fine?

I don’t know but I feel like its getting to me.

I’m not much for being clingy or anything, but remember that guy I wrote about in the previous post? The daddy? Well, it’s all been going pretty nice and dandy…over text message. And the other one I’m interested in meeting keep sending me the one word answers like

” hey what are you up too? Pretty hot day isn’t it?”


“What are you up too?”


“OMG! I’m totally going to go on a fun trip up to Fresno pretty soon? Care to tag along?”


“ok, are you even interested in actually meeting me?”

“yep…I would love to eat you out. I can eat ass for days yumm.”

“OK, we should hang out first, lol”


This is what I’m being subjected too and it’s frankly not getting anywhere, and it’s been like this for the past month and a half. And it irritates the fuck out of me! Usually I would’ve just stopped communicating with him but I am probably just grasping at straws right now.

The next one, I accidentally stood up or as I like to. Sugar coat it as missed connection. I had invited a guy to come drink with me after work last night. He strangely, agreed to do it and I was looking forward to it the whole work day. Here comes 11 PM and I quickly change into something cute at work and drive myself to the bar….

… And he’s not there..

oh great! I tell myself, I got stood up. After flinging my gross ass BK dinner back into my bag and the anger started boiling snide of me after waiting over an hour, the bartender comes up to me and says if I was waiting for someone. To which I proceeded to say
yes, I was,

OH HE WAS HERE EARLIER!!! you had just missed him

goddamnit FUCK ME!! I had not only wasted my time for an hour, I had just stood someone up unintentionally. The best part was the fact that he even took up my offer and actually SHOWED UP TO THE BAR!! I was now mad at myself for missing that. Rumor has it he’s still interested.

The other one, from this weeks previous post, is still chatting me up and the options are still open, but I work opposite schedules and eventually getting back together with him just seems to be getting smaller and smaller. But I’m still fighting to hang out with him, and it kills me to know that it won’t be happening this week either because of my fucked up work schedule. The more I plan on doing something, the more fucked up my work week becomes, like the gods are conspiring against me. what the fuck am I supposed to do?? am I supposed to live my life as a hermit? At least in LA, I got as much dick as I wanted, why is it that much harder to actually do something out here in the forest? Prudeness? I think not.

only in this town do straight guys sleep with gay guys and not call it homosexual

I’m sorry,but if you agreed to have sex with a guy, be it once or twice, but that act alone is in fact homosexual. Then turn around right afterwards and say.. Nah, I’m still straight, fuck you next week?


Not prudes at all, just a town of repressed sexuality.
btw, I dont sleep with straight men, my gay friend does…and he ONLY sleeps with straight men
Makes you think right…. But that’s another conversation for another blog post.

I just want to put on my pair of banana socks on again and have a good week..



A Fatherly Affair Pt. II

Wednesday, August 8th, 2012

The next morning was incredibly awkward. I had finally met the daughter he was much so raving about and she was pretty awesome. I actually liked her even thought I only met her for a full on minute.  But I’ve been there, I know what it’s like being that kid who sees a parent sleep with someone else who isn’t your mom (or in this case, dad). So I have m reservations and my respect for them. Because I am one of them.

That morning we watched a little bit of the olympics. and We just talked about stats in the living room and after that I finally went my way after all of the events of the previous 24 hours, I had finally decided that it was all worth it. I actually would like to be this guy’s friend, he is after all, a pretty awesome guy who has a pretty sweet job in the UC system and he drinks and isn’t stingy. WHATS NOT TO LIKE ABOUT HIM!  I drove home feeling a little bit more confident that I was when I first arrived in Merced. Mostly, beside the fact that I got some dick, I felt like I connected with someone who was just plain awesome and didn’t really care what anyone thought.

I love that about people.

We even felt completely enthusiastic and sincere about meeting up again in a week and doing something friend-esque. like going on trips and seeing new things. Those are things I never get to do very often and I would love doing them (even more so with a fun person, my  “intellectual”, lawyer ex was very “let’s do this but let’s be very rational and careful about playing miniature golf”) So I need someone spontaneous  and fun and carefree but responsible.

All these things raced in my mind and i was excited I found a new friend. I texted him

“Thank you for an awesome time” and he responded very positively about it.  And I continues on my way.

Lets see how this one plays out. sounds promising…

A Fatherly Affair Pt. I

Wednesday, August 8th, 2012

Who would’ve thought! Me, Ricardo Gonzalez, go out and hang with a man that is slightly older than me? When I mean older, I’m talking about him being in his 40’s and me being in my mid 20’s. Thats not too big of a problem right? well, for the most part its not, really… It’s not. I met the guy in Merced last week and I gotta say, I was a little hesitant at first, but I bit the bullet and said, “what the heck Ricardo, why not? It’s not every day you get a day off and a chance to just not be bored out of your mind. You need a good distraction once in a  while”

So I did it.

I met this guy at his house and we actually hit it off pretty good (or at least I thought it was) It could’ve been the cranberry vodka cocktails, but I was feeling quite comfortable there speaking him up and listening to his stories. his dog was awesome. Soon enough, all aspects of my worries just melted away. (This usually doesn’t happen because fucking Ricardo has a habit of getting a little bit tooooooooo long winded in his conversations, but this time, I had met my match in that department and I was alright with it.) he was not bad looking at all so that helped. ( I don”t consider myself to be hot shit but I do have standards, albeit a little more realistic ones that others, but this guy could’ve been the Niles Hallowell Dhar of his time so I am not complaining at all.)  and he lives in a nice neighborhood and has a 20 year old daughter…….

yes, thats right a 20 year old daughter. Basically, shes the same age as my sister………


Still, I was ok with that. I was feeling rather “peculiar for cock” that day but after meeting him I wanted more than that, I actually wanted to know him and to understand his story and the feeling of wanting his bone didn’t even come up at all. I wanted to know what his daughter looked like and I wanted to just basically have a good friendship with him. And for the next 2 hours, we just drank and smoked cigarettes and laughed and talked some more. It was relaxing and I felt like he really was into me, including the fact that I was “ringmaster to a burlesque circus” and I told him exactly what I was and what I did right off the bat and he didn’t seem to mind.

Afterwards, as the sun was setting and the moon was rising, He asked me if I wanted to go out and maybe catch a few drinks at the local watering hole in Merced (which has many actually, but ehh, I’ll keep it short for the technicality of the situation) and we continued to drink the cranberry vodkas and we stopped by to eat a single taco, each of us. I felt at this point like a whore because I usually buy my own things and I have a weird feeling in my stomach when someone buys me… anything. But I was okay with it. He was cute and I liked his conversation. What more could I expect to make my night any better, I was already FAAAAAAAR from bored.

We took a stroll around the block and we talked some more and we returned to the bar and drank some more and even wanted to dance. (Some of my readers and friends will tell you right offf the bat, I hate dancing alone to music I’m not into ,but if you play the right songs, and Im in that mood, contrary to popular belief, I WILL dance, and i WILL dance WELL ( a facet of my personality I like to hide.)

So we drink and with one simple “Hey, Let’s dance?” I was ready to go dance it up. But right as we got ready to dance it was ruined by Gotye. Fuck you Gotye. get off the bloody dance floor You hipster motherfucker! 

So, This is where the night gets interesting. After going outside and taking a breather, we start to flirt a little more and more to the point that I hear him say “your getting naked in my bed.” I was okay with that, I’m actually pretty comfortable in my body so I was like, “ok”. So we then, sober (none of us got top the point of being buzzed so we all knew what we were doing) and he drove me to his place.

This is where the weirdness happens. First of all he tells me his daughter is home and she sleeps next to his room.

ok. I can deal with that.

We go into his room, play music and make out.

ok. I can deal with that.

He gets of top of me and begins grinding me.

Ok. I can deal with that.

He proceeds to take off our clothing and get hot and heavy in his bedroom with the door open.

ok. I can’t deal with that…at all.

my mind is going “oh shit oh shit!!” what if she catches us?!

I end up slipping that phrase out loud and he says.

“She knows you’re here”

oh Christ!

This must be what a parent feels like trying to have sex with a spouse.  really, but this feels so friggin good! Eventually, I made up my mind, if he doesn’t care about getting caught then I won’t either. fuck it!  We fucked.

The next morning I ran into said daughter…………….awkward.

That Cooking Feeling Pt. II

Friday, May 18th, 2012

So, I know it’s been a while since I last posted on this, and I swear I will do so more often, but I decided to come back and revisit a post I did about a month ago.

Well, I finally met the guy. In El Portal. While working at my dads taco truck. But that was it. I was hoping to get out of the truck long enough to say hi to him after my dads girlfriend took his order. That had made my day and I was so ecstatic that it had made my day awesome. I mean, come one… I got to stare at his butt all day looking out my serving window as I watched him serve beer. (He actually makes a really cute bartender) But When I finally got to leave my post and take a breather, I pulled out my wallet and made my way towards the makeshift bar and prepared my speech that I had practiced and since shelved for our first botched encounter. I had to fight my way to the bar and avoid the crowing of people and kids all wanting to get beers and sodas, but I finally made it.

Then I got served by a female bartender. just my friggin luck! I looked around to find him and nothing! I couldn’t find him, and to add salt to injury, it was the same girl who gave me the crazy look the first time I asked about him. But this time I had played it smooth. I casually asked about him and she had told me that he had gone home. Apparently , between 5 PM to 9-PM there is a need to have 2 shifts at a casual gathering event. I was floored!  I will never be able to meet the guy and he only works less that 100 feet from me! This is so frustrating. The guy knows who I am and he knows where I work. So from now on, if he really wants to meet me, then he should come to me.

That is all.

damnit, I guess I could always try again in 2 weeks.